Also known as, “Filler to Bump Jason’s Ugly-Ass Photoshop Project Down the Page.”

Carrying on…

1. Maybe Jason was right about Larry Johnson. Well, okay, that’s crazy talk.  However, the Chiefs’ lack of a bona-fide WR or legitimate starting QB means that a run-stuffing team like the Vikings will put, oh, 12 men in the box, so no, LJ doesn’t look good (and probably isn’t gonna look good) out there at all. Kudos to the Chiefs for showing some heart for the home fans anyway.
2. Don’t worry, Larry. LDT has the same issues. Seriously, if you had told me that after Week 3, Larry Johnson and LaDanian Tomlinson would have a combined zero 100-yard days, I’d have called you… something that insulted your intelligence. (Damn this head cold!)
3. Remaining undefeateds: Indianapolis, New England, Dallas, Pittsburgh, and… Green Bay? I figured the Pack had a shot at the playoffs because they were in the NFC and showed some life at the end of last year, but this is crazy. Their defense, plus Old Man Favre, plus the collapse of the NFC South means that Green Bay is at least the second-best team in their conference. Legitimately. Scary, ain’t it?
4. To the pundits (*cough*ESPN*cough*) that are convinced that the Patriots have a shot at 16-0: wake us up when they play some real competition. Nice division you got going there. Two wins against inferior opponents and a third against a team that is positively adrift just means that the Patriots are, to their credit, taking care of business. I may be biased, but I’ll still take the Colts’ two road wins against better division rivals plus the blowout of the Aint’s. It might not be as sexy as roughing up Buffalo (and their backup quarterback) at home, but I’m sticking with the Colts as the team to beat right now.
5. Speaking of New Orleans… ouch. They don’t block, don’t tackle, and now they don’t have their best tailback. Talk about dropping a Deuce on your season.
6. How bad is the “rest” of the NFC? Sunday night’s matchup of the 1-2 Giants and the 1-2 Eagles might have major playoff implications. Seriously.
7. Why isn’t anyone talking about the Steelers? Are we deliberately trying to piss them off?
8. Oakland’s funny. I might just like this Kiffin guy.
9. You think after Cade McNown and Rex Grossman, the Bears should retire number 8 for their own safety? The Bears are reeling, but that team will be 100% better if A) Brian Griese can lead three scoring drives per game and turn it over two times or less, and B) Nathan Vasher and Lance Briggs didn’t get hurt too badly last Sunday. Unfortunately, Tommie Harris has a sprained knee, and might miss a month.

You know who’s rooting for Rex Grossman? This guy. The previous Chicago Bears number 8… Cade McNown. He was worse than Grossman, but he played for a terrible team so no one cared. A couple more well-placed picks, and they might forget ol’ Cade… (image courtesy of cota-lott-shootout.com… ironic that he’s playing charity golf with two old defensive backs, isn’t it?)

That’s all for me, kids. Enjoy .38 Special!

Inspired by this comment to this post at EDSBS, I now have images in my head of Charlie Weis levitating around the Notre Dame football complex planning his eventual takeover of the NCAA by restraining the spice trade. And by spice I mean illegal used-car-salesman-money, hookers/willing sophomores and “herbal wellness supplements.”

I don’t think Baron Harkonnen would be an upgrade as his defensive scheme failed miserably against The Fightin’ Fremen.

Someone needs to teach Jimmy Clausen the Litany Against Fear:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
(photo courtesy AP/Bill Fundaro)

Although I doubt even giant sand-worms could save the Irish offensive line at this point.

According to SI.com, the Dodgers’ second baseman went off in the clubhouse last night. Los Angeles continued its slide from playoff contention and lost its fifth straight game, 9-4 to the Colorado Rockies, and Kent “cast a wide net” to cast blame to unnamed individuals in the organization.

Kent, 39, is hitting .298 with 20 home runs and 78 RBI for 2007 as of Friday, although his 14 errors at second base aren’t helping the Dodgers much. He is also the only man in baseball that makes Lamar look like the non-asshole he thinks he is. (image courtesy of giantswin.com)

There’s no questioning Kent’s skills. He’s the greatest offensive second-baseman of the live-ball era. In 16 seasons, he’s accumulated 365 homers and over 1,400 RBI. He’s got a .290 batting average and .504 slugging percentage for his career. He was the National League MVP in 2000, despite playing on the same team as Barry Bonds. If he’s not a first-ballot Hall-of-Famer, then the whole selection process needs to be scrapped.

Sadly, it’s always been about Jeff Kent and only Jeff Kent to Jeff Kent. Throwing an injured and undermanned Dodgers team under the bus (even within the confines of the locker room), despite its game attempts to stay in contention, is pure bush league. The team needs Kent now more than ever, but he’s too busy covering his own backside and pushing blame around to be bothered.

Two thoughts spring to mind:

1. Whose clubhouse is he going to poison next year?
2. James Loney, Russell Martin, and Andre Ethier should help him wash his truck this time.

… “Pap Smeared.”

‘Cause they’re that kind of classy.

Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon reacts to surrendering the game-breaking grand slam as seemingly hundreds of Blue Jay runners scamper home in Toronto’s 6-1 win Wednesday.  (image courtesy on espn.com)

I may have to name an as-yet unborn child after Russ Adams, as he’s gonged the Sox twice in two nights.  “Big Hurt” was already on the short list of names, so we’re covered from Monday.  To that end, I will also need to find an extremely patient woman… sports fandom necessary.  No New Englanders, unless defection is a possibility.  Inquire at the service desk.  But I digress.  My first two Airtight Baseball Predictions for 2008 are:

1. Russ Adams will be a Yankee.
2. Barring #1, Russ Adams will be a member of the Red Sox, just so they don’t have to pitch to him.

One game.  If you had told me this on Memorial Day, I’d have slapped you stupid.

The NFL’s second week of play is in the books, and here’s what’s on my mind:

1. Look out world, here come… the Houston Texans?!? Enjoy those draft picks you got for Matt Schaub, Atlanta.
2. Rex Grossman’s got to be put on the short leash at some point, doesn’t he? The Bears defense blocked a Kansas City field goal attempt in the fourth quarter to preserve a 20-10 lead, and in a matter of minutes, there was Grossman feeding the ball to Donnie Edwards, deep in Bears territory. If Grossman can’t be trusted to put away the Chiefs, one of the clubs vying for the title of “Worst NFL Franchise 2007,” how on Earth is he going to make a play to get them over the top against a quality opponent?
3. On the same subject, Devin Hester’s new nickname may have to be “Kick Return Jesus.” Just sayin’, is all.
4. I’m far too lazy busy to look it up myself, but when was the last time the Cleveland Browns scored 51 points in a month, let alone one game? And while it was against the vaunted defense of the Bengals, I do have to publicly retract any comments I may have made about Derek Anderson not quite being n NFL-calibre quarterback. He’s no All-Pro, and when it all shakes out, he’s probably not good enough to be a full-time starter, but anyone who puts up a performance like that deserves to have the armchair guys eat crow. I like mine with hot sauce.
5. Do you think Marvin Lewis, the Defensive Genius, is feeling his chair get a little toasty right now? Considering how the Bengals’ D is actually worse now than it was in years past, and the team’s, er, “behavioral anomalies,” I’d have to think so.
6. Anyone claiming “the Old Man is BACK!” needs to remember that he was only playing the Giants this week. Settle down.
7. Jon Kitna has always wanted this worse than you.
8. The Broncos calling timeout to ice Sebastian Janikowski wasn’t “cheap,” as some have said. The man’s a former first-round draft pick, and he should make his kicks regardless of how much time he has to think about them. However, dressing a cheerleader like a giant, leggy ecstasy tablet and dancing her around the end zone may have been a bit much.
9. 35 carries, 68 yards. I think LDT should make training camp a little bit more of a priority next year. On the whole, the Chargers need to shut up and play.

CWAMB is listing Chargers QB Philip Rivers as MIA, as he has yet to make a difference in any meaningful game he has played in. The Giants might have taken some lumps with Eli Manning, but I still don’t think they regret that decision one bit. (image courtesy of espn.com)

Finally, this is one of those weeks that I feel a little dirty, and I need to explain why. As a lifelong New York Giants fan, I have been born and bred to despise the Redskins, Eagles, and Cowboys. However, I came to the realization a few seasons ago that I actually hate the Redskins less than the other two by a considerable margin, and always root for them to beat the Cowboys and Eagles. (Maybe it’s Joe Gibbs, maybe it’s the appreciation for offensive lineman, maybe it’s the cantankerous midget owner… I don’t know why.) I wasn’t especially happy about the ‘Skins beating the Eagles tonight, but since I am apparently an active Washington fan for 25% of the season… yay?

I’m so confused.

Mike Hargrove, who retired from coaching the Seattle Mariners after stating that he had “lost his passion for the job”, has apparantly found that passion again. Hargrove will be the manager of the Liberal, Kansas Semi-Pro Baseball team the BeeJays, starting with their next season.

Sophomoric jokes aside (and let’s be honest, the only reason I am posting this is for the headline), I’m happy for Mike Hargrove. He clearly still had a hunger for the competition of baseball, but just couldn’t face up to the schedule the Majors demanded without burning out completely. I’m sure that coaching the team that gave him his start some 35 years ago will be just what the doctor ordered.

ND vs. Michigan, as Matt said “the battle of who could care less.” ND’s first offensive snap is a high shotgun snap and they end up with it on the 1 yard line. Then Michigan’s first snap is dropped and fell on for lost yardage. After scoring a field goal Michigan then kicks it out of bounds. Jesus, this game is going to set the game of football back by 50 years. It’s the first game I’ve watched that I don’t think even deserves to be broadcast in High Definition.

We’ll see how far I can make it though this game until I switch to Florida/Tennessee or Texas/UCF.

LOL. Wow, just as I get ready to hit submit Clausen fumbles the ball and turns it over to Michigan. NBC has to be thrilled they are stuck broadcasting Notre Dame all year.

Update: 11:34 left in the second, and Notre Dame looks atrocious. Michigan is making them look like a 1-AA team…. ooohhh wait. If that was the case ND would be winning. At this point I’m thinking a Division II team could beat up on ND. Their O-Line couldn’t pick me up on a blitz.

You may not know much about Rodney McCray, but if you’re any kind of baseball fan, you undoubtedly remember his handiwork.

McCray was an outfielder who appeared in 67 games with the Chicago White Sox and New York Mets from 1990 through 1992. Primarily used as a defensive replacement or pinch-runner, he only made 15 plate appearances in that time. He was 3-for-14 for his career with a walk, six strikeouts and an RBI. He also stole nine bases in 10 attempts. It should also be noted that Rodney’s one at-bat as a Met (and final at-bat as a major leaguer), on May 8, 1992, drove in the deciding run in the bottom of the ninth inning of the Mets’ come-from-behind 4-3 win over the Los Angeles Dodgers. Not a bad way to go out.

Rodney McCray’s teammates on the 1992 Mets included Kevin Baez, Mark Dewey, Pat Howell, and indomitable AAA hitting machine Junior Noboa. Plus some guys you’ve actually heard of. (image courtesy of urbangolfgear.com)

Not ringing a bell? Believe me, you remember Rodney McCray.

Happy 44th, Rodney.

…. no. Really. He will eat them. The Pillsbury Throwboy is HUNGRY!

Giants backup QB Jared Lorenzon, getting ready to dip a football in salsa and devour it whole.

Get ready to experience the wonder and spectacle of a 6′4″ 285 lb quarterback in the NFL this weekend. With Eli Manning’s busted shoulder, former Kentucky Wildcat Jared Lorenzen will probably get the start this weekend unless Eli has a miraculous recovery.  I figure Green Bay can distract him by sneaking boxes of Krispy Kremes onto the field and tossing them into the neutral zone before each snap.

With RB Brandon Jacobs busted too, we could have an NFL game where the QB is  nearly 40 lbs bigger than the startng RB (Derrick Ward) and is the 14th heaviest player on the ENTIRE TEAM. You can bet I’ll be watching this game.

If he fails as a QB, I hear the Colts need some big bodies for depth at DT…

Alright, week 1 is in the books! Only 16 weeks of NFL football regular season left.

•  Thanks to Jamie, I was at the Colts game Thursday and let me say daaayummmm they impressed me. Addai looks ready to rock, after a shaky first half Manning got in synch with his receivers and abused poor Jason David and the Colts linebackers impressed me. We still need a nickname for Freddy Keiaho now that we found out he’s not Hawaiian.
• I think even Michael Vick felt sorry for the pounding the Steelers put on the Dawg Pound in Cleveland.  Maybe they didn’t electrocute them but Romeo Crennel is probably considering drowning Charlie Frye at this point.
• So the Cowboys defense was supposed to have been improved in the offseason? Ummmm. Yeah. Combine them with the Giants losing something like 75% of their team to injury and an Eagles team that couldn’t beat Brett “Never Saw an INT he didn’t like” Favre and the NFC east is gonna be a race to who can win 9 first.
• Dear Chicago Bears, Rex Grossman sucks. You are wasting a Super Bowl caliber defense with that shit.
• Why in God’s name did I actually stay up to watch the Cards/49ers game last night? I think I would have rather watched a snuff film than watch that mess of a football game. That game set football back by 50 years.
• Yes the Patriots look good. but someone needs to remind Bill Simmons that the Colts beat a team of FAR SUPERIOR quality by a larger margin just a few days prior. The over/under for the Randy Moss Starts Taking Plays Off Sweepstakes is Game 6. I’m taking the under. Looks like I need to buy those Patriots branded kneepads and ship them off to Bill Simmons c/o ESPN The Worldwide Patriots Cheerleaders, Bristol, CT.
• Speaking of the Patsies… The Patriots are cheaters? For shame! I never would have guessed.

If week one is any indication week two should be a good time. Savor these months people. Remember the month of february and cherish our time with football while it lasts.