Realizing, of course, that five games is a heck of a big lead in any division on September 1, and that I may wind up eating these words a mere two weeks from now, I feel I must elaborate on my joy of the Yankees’ three-game sweep of the Red Sox thusly…

(image courtesy of msnbc.com)

Chew on THAT, you bean-sucking bastards.

That is all.  I now return you to your programming day.

Thanks to our lovely friends at Comcast, I had a two-week Internet vacation.  Without going too much into particulars, I just felt the need to get a post up here, considering even Ricky had posted since my last visit.

Ricky, for Christ’s sake.

Do you see what happens? Do you see what happens Larry? Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?!!

Herm Edwards showing Larry what happens.

Apparently, Larry gets $19 million guaranteed over 5 years. Damn why did that holdout all have to end well with a contract and ruin the photoshop I’ve been wanting to do for a month now?

I do look forward to yet more proof of the Football Outsiders argument that once a back reaches 370 carries in a season, the next year is almost always doomed to be a bad one.

The 370-carry theory is generally summarized as follows: “A running back with 370 or more carries during the regular season will usually suffer either a major injury or loss of effectiveness the following year, unless he is named Eric Dickerson.”

…

From 1978 through 2004, 60 running backs had seasons of at least 340 carries. Comparing the number of carries for each running back with the number of yards he gained the following year gives us a correlation coefficient of -.24. In other words, as players carry the ball more, they are less likely to run for as many yards the following year, due to a mixture of lost effectiveness and injury. If we want to measure only effectiveness (yards per carry) or playing time (total carries) the correlations are similar.

…

To summarize, eight of these 14 players [who didn’t reach 370 in the season but reached 390+ carries in a season+postseason as of 1/1/07] were injured or lost effectiveness the following season. A ninth, Thomas, was still effective and healthy, but lost stamina. Three players, Davis, Campbell, and Smith (1994) had problems two seasons later, after another year of overuse. Only two of these players, Martin and Smith (1991) seemed to have no ill effects for multiple seasons afterwards.

I highly recommend that article to both you, the reader, and to the Chiefs front office. Enjoy paying LJ while he’s injured and/or ineffective this year! There’s no way I give a 27 year old running back with that many carries in the previous season and that much workload over his career a 5 year contract.

It’s a new season, and that means it’s time once again for The View From Section 308. Here are my impressions from the latest Colts home game as I saw them, seated in section 308 of the RCA dome.

•  Okay, so I know what you are saying… “A 300 joke? Really? Aren’t those a bit…um…tired?” Well, yes. They are. This one, however, has a good reason behind it. For as long as I can remember, The Colts have used a clip from the movie Braveheart right before opening kickoff, as a sign to the crowd to get up and ready for WAR! (YOU MAY TAKE OUR LIVES, BUT YOU’LL NEVER TAKE OUR FIELD POSITION!). This year, however, I was surprised to see that Braveheart has been replaced with a clip from an even manlier movie: 300. So, yeah. There you go. To be honest, the clip doesn’t matter because Colts fans hardly need to be told that it’s game-time anymore. Though, if this means that by the end of the season, the whole crowd will be doing that Spartan “Hrugh!” thing at the kick, that would be kinda cool.
• What? There was a game? Oh right!  You never expect to see the first team all that often in a preseason game, so I was happy to see that Manning and Co. were out there for an entire quarter plus. It was pretty much what you would expect from the Colts offense, so that’s good to see. It was also nice to see that Tony Ugoh, who is having to fill the shoes of Tarik Glenn, played pretty well. Manning was sacked once, but it was from the other side. Ugoh did look lost on one play later in the game when Sorgi was in the game, but the Bears first string D was still in, and hey, they are a pretty good squad. I’m confident that Tony Ugoh will be a more than capable replacement for Glenn. Having to go up against Dwight Freeney every day in practice has to help, too.
• If there was a dark spot for the team, it would have to be kick coverage. I know, that old saw. Well, you know, one would have thought the problem would have been addressed. I’m simply at a loss to explain why a team with this much talent can’t seem to be able to put together a consistently good effort on coverage. One might be tempted to overlook the stats a bit considering that they were playing the Bears (and thus Devin Hester), but don’t. Hester didn’t even return kicks in this game, and had one punt return. This is an area where they need to improve, and quickly, because leaving the defense short fields all the time is not going to end well.
• As to kick returning, I think TJ Rushing will be a capable returner. He did have one fumble, but it was on a nice strip. I also have to say that 3rd string running back Kenton Keith impressed me on his return attempts, as he showed some nice speed
• Keith also impressed me on offense, even though he only got two carries at running back. He ran decisively, exploding through the line of scrimmage, and then showed an ability to find the running lanes in the secondary. I know that two carries is a small sample size, but he showed some nice ability in the limited time he got.
• I was a little surprised to see that Anthony Gonzalez didn’t play with the first squad offense, but he looked alright out there with Sorgi. He made a really nice move after the catch on one play, which resulted in 19 yards. If he can do that sort of thing all the time, he’s going to be a nice weapon coming out of the slot for Manning.
• Turning to the defense, I felt that the first string played rather well. Defensive tackle Ed Johnson filled in nicely for Booger McFarland, and was even able to pick up a fumble recovery after a Robert Mathis strip. Most tackles were made not by one Colts defender but by several, which is always nice to see. It was the sort of swarming defense we saw in the playoffs last season, so it was encouraging to see them playing around that same level.
• Now, I have to say that I like the Bears. I root for them when they are playing anyone but the Colts. Given that, I have to say I’m a little worried about Grossman, as he fumbled TWO snaps last night… it might have been raining in the Circle City Monday night, Rex, but son, you are indoors. I know it’s just pre-season, and maybe his head just wasn’t in it, but the Bears faithful couldn’t have been happy seeing their starting QB continue his fumbling ways like that. I sort of get the feeling the Sexcannon is going to be on a short leash this season in Chicago, especially if he continues to be so turnover prone.

So, there you have it. It was a loss, sure, but hey, it’s preseason. I think the Colts are 1-11 in recent preseason games, and hey, what’s that new banner hanging up right in front of us waiting to be unfurled on opening night? Oh right, it’s the one that reads Super Bowl Champions. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this year’s Colts team coming into this game, and I have to say I came out feeling pretty darn good about them, all things considered. Will they go 14-2? Nah. But they are sure as heck going to be a force to be reckoned with this season, and once you get to the playoffs, who knows what might happen?

CNN:

“Mr. Vick has agreed to enter a plea of guilty to those charges and to accept full responsibility for his action and the mistakes he has made. Michael wishes to apologize again to everyone who has been hurt by this matter,” Martin’s statement said.

Vick’s attorneys have been negotiating with federal prosecutors over terms of the deal, which must be approved by the judge. While prosecutors can recommend a sentence, the decision ultimately rests with the judge.

The plea would help Vick avoid additional federal charges.

Federal prosecutors had offered a deal recommending an 18- to 36-month prison sentence. Vick’s attorneys were trying to reduce that to less than a year, two sources told CNN earlier on Monday.

Good riddance. Way to throw away your career so you could torture animals for fun, jackass. HT: Stampede Blue

Hello all! I’m Ricky, Ephemeral Sports Fan^TM. Seeing as how this is my first post on CWAMB, I’m definitely living up to the name.

After reading CJ’s post below about Mr. Jonathan Riches filing against Ron “Ookie” Mexico, I couldn’t resist playing around with the numbers a bit. 63 quintillion dollars(that’s 63 followed by 18 zeros) is quite a sum. To top off the ridiculousness, Riches wants the money, “backed by gold and silver”, delivered by UPS , to the front gates of his current domicile, the Federal Corrections Institution in Williamsburg, VA.

If it was possible to some how come up with 63 quintillion dollars in U.S. currency, that would equal 630 quadrillion(15 zeros this time) 100 dollar bills. Using the figures found here, the standard unit of measurement of one football field(American of course) covered in 100 dollar bills would be worth about $521,000. So were talking about a stack of money the size of a football field standing just under 132 million meters tall. Put away the calculators. That’s about 82,ooo miles high. That’s about one third of the way to the Moon, by the way.

Unfortunately for Riches, the U.S. dollar isn’t backed by the gold standard anymore. But even if it was, we have a bit of a problem. According to this article Google supplied me,

“There’s enough gold buried deep within the Earth’s core to cover the entire land surface of the planet to a depth of half a metre…”

That comes out to a bit more than 74 million cubic meters of gold. At the current market price, that’s just shy of $31 quadrillion. We would have to find and melt down over 2,000 Earths to to come up with enough gold for the sum Riches is asking for.

For shits and giggles, let’s say we somehow extracted all that gold at the center of the earth. What would 74 million cubic meters of gold look like? Again using the measurement of one football field, we would get a tower of gold standing at 13,757 meters, or 8.5 miles tall. Our hypothetical tower of gold weighs in at over 3 quadrillion pounds. For a bit of reference, a standard bar of gold weighs 27.5 pounds. So that would be over 112 billion gold bars.

So I went ahead and picked up Madden 08 for my XBox 360 yesterday. I skipped 07 because it was a horrendous piece of crap (the PC version had a habit of locking up on game winning or halftime ended fieldgoals). But the reviews for 08 have been coming in pretty good and I was missing pro football on my console.

The Good

• The “weapon” system is really very solid. It takes some getting used to but trucking a back over a linebacker or seeing Dwight Freeney do a lightning quick spin move to hammer a QB is a very nice addition indeed. My only complaint is that a few too many players are weapons and for someone who has never been good at playing the defensive side of the ball most of the weapons become useless froma player perspective so you just have to hope the CPU uses them effectively.
• The game presentation is the best in a long time for the franchise. Player intros highlight your team weapons and it feels more like the beginning of a real NFL game
• The new animations enhance the gameplay a ton. Gang tackling looks amazing, and offensive players have more little moves and turns than they used to. The Weapon animations are pretty cool too. Love seeing a Marvin Harrison one handed catch in the end zone.
• New mini games. They’ve polished up some of the mini games (especially WR/CB mini games) and added a 40-yard dash and bench press mini game. They can also be used during a season to train up to three players before a game and work on their ratings.
• Franchise mode is back with owner mode. Although you still can’t move teams like you could 3 or 4 years ago. Franchise mode is my bread and butter in Madden. Once I get more tired of playing the games I go into team management mode.
• Hall Of Famers. There’s a great Hall Of Fame section, with video highlights of select HOFers and you can start a franchise with a fantasy draft and include 100+ HOFers in the draft.
• Overall improved gameplay. The game just plays smoother.
• This seems to be the first Madden to really take advantage of the power of the next-gen consoles. Amazing frame rates and you can tell they pot more into 08 in this regard than 07.
• Update: I almost forgot! One of the coolest new features is you can set up the game so that whenever there is a new ESPN Radio SportsCenter update, it will automatically pipe it in and play it (as long as you are not in a game). This goes along with the sports news ticker at the bottom of the screen.

The Bad

• While it’s cool they added in more depth perspective by blurring far off objects and players sometimes it gives the impression that the field is the size of the Dallas/Ft. Worth Metro Area.
• No team movement in franchise/owner mode
• I usually play on Pro level and the difficulty at that level does seem to have increased. The weapons make it much tougher to play in a way that someone has gotten used to in the franchise.
• The stupid “ring” thing where as you do more in the game your “ring” is built. You can even order an actual ring from Jostens! No really. I’m not kidding.

The Ugly

• All of the in-game advertising. The Spring halftime roundup. Spring postgame. Jostens ring of a champion. etc etc. But the absolute WORST is the Under Armor Protect This House. When you get in the red zone (offensively or defensivel) this horrifying graphic pops up telling you what happened the last time in the red zone, complete with a picture of Annoying Screaming Under Armor Guy. I want to stab my eyes out every time I see it.
• The music. Okay so it’s got an Ozzy song and a Queens of the Stoneage song but for the most part the soundtrack is decidedly BLEH. That’s why I turn off all the songs except the NFL Films music (non-remixed, damnit). It’s instrumental, it screams football and it doesn’t get so annoying on repeat after months of gaming that you hate whatever bands are associated with the soundtrack.
• Update: How could I have forgotten the horrible in-game commentary. Gone are Madden and whoever else they can match him up with. In is a lone voice representing “ESPN Radio”. it’s wholly uninspired and uninteresting commentary to go along with the game and takes away from the presentation improvements that make the game feel more like a TV broadcast. Yeah, the Madden commentary got repetitive and annoying but that’s Madden in real life too!

Overall it’s certainly a better title than I’ve played in a couple years. It’s still probably only worth picking up to the real Madden junkies and people who want the up to date rosters or the first Madden title to really take advantage of the next-gen systems.

And now for something completely different:

Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a “$63,000,000,000 billion dollar” lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy “missiles from Iran,” FOX News has learned.

Ok, you’re thinking this possibly can’t get any better, right? You’d be wrong:

The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.

“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver “ delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

And if you think that’s entertaining, you ain’t seen nothin’ until you’ve read the filing. Hint: the plaintiff alleges, among other things, that Vick “violated my copyright laws”.

Does it show that perhaps I am a bit too much of a news junkie that my second thought (after “WTF?”) upon reading this was “that doesn’t make sense, Iran wouldn’t sell missiles to Al Qaeda, they’re a Shia country and Al Qaeda is a Sunni organization? That’s just ridiculous.” But then through secret anonymous sources inside the government, we at CWAMB managed to obtain conclusive photographic evidence that these allegations are totally true!

Vick and Bin Laden at the 2007 Bomb and Dog Fight Convention (photoshop by Jason)

Coming up with 63 billion is the least of your problems, Vick. You’re off to Gitmo for sure now. I wonder if they’ll use dogs in your interrogation?

UPDATE: Ricky IMs to say “Wait. Does Mr. Riches want 63 billion dollars, or 63 quintillion dollars?” And yep, he’s right. The Fox News article quotes the lawsuit as being for “63,000,000,000 billion”, or yes, sixty three quintillion dollars. CWAMB regrets the error.

Ricky adds: “Because if it’s the later, if we assumed no growth rate in gross world product(GWP), that would take about 940,000 years of GWP to pay off.”

I suppose I’m totally stealing Mike’s thunder by writing about this, but how many other opportunities will I get to link to the video of “Paradise By The Dashboard Light”?

So long Phil… Thanks to Scott Lemieux for the reminder.

A thought from over the weekend…

Now that Lamar’s quest for home run number 756 is over, what’s gonna happen to ESPN’s Pedro Gomez?

“… it turned out that Bonds was just suffering from a bout of gas. For ESPN, I’m Pedro Gomez.” (image courtesy of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

In having to shadow Lamar daily for the last few years, Gomez had the Most Thankless Job In Sports On Earth, which he performed admirably. Frankly, if Lamar had griped about me as publicly as he did Gomez, I’d have fought him. Granted, I’d have taken my lengthy, steroid-fueled hospital stay afterward, but then, I’m a hack. Gomez deserves our respect as a professional.

I just wonder if I should be sending a check somewhere. Y’know, to help out until things pick up for him again.