In ESPN’s latest attempt to fabricate news, they’ve circulated a rumor that implies that Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa, the National League’s All-Star manager, will leave Lamar The Human Bobblehead off the All-Star team, despite his assault on the all-time home run record and the fact that the game will be taking place in San Francisco. What else could it mean, after all… LaRussa didn’t comment about the situation, which simply has to mean something potentially sinister is afoot.

It will be the first time “flaxseed oil” will keep a player from participating in the Midsummer Classic. (image courtesy of deadspin.com)

While this is not-so-secretly my heart’s desire, it’s just not happening.

Lamar’s 13 homers place him seventh overall in the National League, and third among outfielders behind Ken Griffey, Jr. and Adam Dunn. (The Big Donkey, it should be noted, should not be allowed near an All-Star Game until he stops being the worst situational hitter in the game. But I digress.) He’s second on his team in RBIs, despite having 64 walks cutting into his potential at-bats. Plus, since league rules require at least one representative to be present from each club, Lamar’s lackluster teammates are actually helping him here. Granted, Ray Durham (.250, 37 RBI at second base) could get hot again and Matt Morris (7-3, 2.56 ERA) certainly deserves consideration regardless, but Lamar is still The Man in the Bay Area.

Lastly, LaRussa’s a class act, and won’t introduce himself into the debate. Deserved or not, he’ll give Lamar his All-Star swan song in front of the one city that actually loves him.

Gotta love those slow news days in Bristol.