Oh… wait. SOrry, that was just a headline from the Bizarro Universe where Larry Bird is a competent GM. Instead, they traded away their 2009 2nd round pick for some 7 foot Bosnian stiff named Stanko Barac (yes. Stanko.) who’s still under contract with his European team for three years. I was actually able to dig up a draft profile on him from DraftExpress.

Sometimes he struggles making timely rotations and gives up deep position on the block too easily, while his perimeter defense is almost non-existent.

Teams often try to lure him away from the basket, which promptly puts him in foul trouble being due to his inability to stop dribble penetrations.

So he’s a taller and white version of David Harrison? MARVELOUS.

Say hello to your newest Indiana Pacer. Maybe. In a few years when his European contract is up. (photo courtesy DraftExpress)

In other draft news, just a few quick observations of the very top that I happened to see while at the bar and not really paying attention. Maybe borrowing from NFL writer Peter King I will call this Some Things I Think I Think I Thought Or Possibly It Was Just The Beer Man I Need Some Nachos

• The Trailblazers made the right pick taking Oden. You can’t pass up a true big man with the array of skills that he has. While Durant may end up being the more explosive and exciting of the two, Oden will give them a great presence inside for many years to come. And even with the trend towards a quicker transition game look at who is still winning championships: teams with quality big men.
• Man the Sonics get Keven Durant and then trade away Ray Allen? I don’t get that move at all. With a young possible superstar on the team I want a veteran PG to be able to get him the ball and teach him some court vision.
• Nice to see Conley move up into the top 5. There is such a dearth of good PGs in this league it won’t take long for him to become one of the top point men in the league.
• Al Horford at #3. He was by far my favorite Gator in the draft.
• Aaaaand Chicago wins the “Overrated Joakim Noah” sweepstakes! Huzzah!

What…? What the fuck? Good god I don’t know how to process this. (photo courtesy ESPN)

As you no doubt have heard by now, MLB reliever Rod Beck passed away on Saturday at age 38.  He saved 286 games for the Giants, Cubs, Red Sox and Padres (good for 21st all-time), was a three-time National League All-Star, and the 1994 Rolaids Relief Man of the Year Award.  He had a 38-45 career record, and a 3.30 ERA.

Rod Beck is one of eight men to have saved 50 games in a season, having notched 51 for the Cubs in 1998.  (image courtesy of mlbplayers.com)

To his credit, Beck is also remembered as a great character and teammate.  While his love of beer and cigarettes almost certainly contributed to his early death, he did a lot to promote the good health of his sport.  I’m not one to extol the virtues of ESPN, but you should take a couple of minutes to reread the coolest player feature ever posted to their website.  You get a good idea of the kind of ballplayer Beck was, and how important the fans were to him throughout his career.

Between Beck, Hep, and the WWE’s Chris Benoit, all this death is getting me depressed.

I want to take this time (after neglecting the blog for so long) to welcome the newest member of the NBA’s D-League: The Ft. Wayne Mad Ants! Ft. Wayne actually had a locally popular CBA team before Isiah Thomas blew up that league (on his way to then destroying multiple franchises in the NBA) and I have a feeling that the Mad Ants will be successful there.

But damn, how about that name? I actually love it. It wouldn’t fly in a major league but it’s perfect for the minors. And for those curious, it’s a very roundabout way of naming the team after the city’s namesake: General “Mad Anthony” Wayne

And I absolutely love the logo. Who’s going to buy me a Mad Ants jersey for my 30th this year?

via Uni Watch

Update: The President of the Mad Ants (the queen? Hmmm.) is running a blog. No comments though but it does bring out this gem from Ants President Jeff Potter:

Oh, and by the way, my irrational fascination with Sanjaya has not waned. I make this promise to the city of Fort Wayne – I will do my best to bring Sanjaya to town to sing at one of our games! And, no, that is not a threat, it is a promise.

Words fail me.

How do you turn around a hellish football program?

The answer, as we have learned the last two years, is to love the hell out of it.

Indiana football coach Terry Hoeppner lost his fight with brain cancer Tuesday. He was 59. (image courtesy of usatoday.com)

Rest easy, Coach.

A-Rod has hit 25 HR this year.

MLB thinks I just committed copyright infringement.

MLB is ran by idiots who hate their fans. That is all.

In ESPN’s latest attempt to fabricate news, they’ve circulated a rumor that implies that Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa, the National League’s All-Star manager, will leave Lamar The Human Bobblehead off the All-Star team, despite his assault on the all-time home run record and the fact that the game will be taking place in San Francisco. What else could it mean, after all… LaRussa didn’t comment about the situation, which simply has to mean something potentially sinister is afoot.

It will be the first time “flaxseed oil” will keep a player from participating in the Midsummer Classic. (image courtesy of deadspin.com)

While this is not-so-secretly my heart’s desire, it’s just not happening.

Lamar’s 13 homers place him seventh overall in the National League, and third among outfielders behind Ken Griffey, Jr. and Adam Dunn. (The Big Donkey, it should be noted, should not be allowed near an All-Star Game until he stops being the worst situational hitter in the game. But I digress.) He’s second on his team in RBIs, despite having 64 walks cutting into his potential at-bats. Plus, since league rules require at least one representative to be present from each club, Lamar’s lackluster teammates are actually helping him here. Granted, Ray Durham (.250, 37 RBI at second base) could get hot again and Matt Morris (7-3, 2.56 ERA) certainly deserves consideration regardless, but Lamar is still The Man in the Bay Area.

Lastly, LaRussa’s a class act, and won’t introduce himself into the debate. Deserved or not, he’ll give Lamar his All-Star swan song in front of the one city that actually loves him.

Gotta love those slow news days in Bristol.

Cavaliers coach Mike Brown has drawn a lot of heat these playoffs, most recently after his team’s 75-72 loss to the San Antonio Spurs last night.  Apparently, Coach Brown is supposed to be pitching a major fit after the no-call which may have helped the Spurs take Game 3.

Mike Brown… cool as the other side of the pillow.  (image courtesy of espn.com) 

I would tend to think that after LeBron created eight open looks in the fourth quarter for his teammates that they subsequently clanked, Coach Brown knew that that may have had more to do with the defeat.  Perhaps it was the Cavs’ abysmal 3-point shooting for the game (3-for-19).  God forbid.

But no, clearly Coach Brown needs to bitch about the referees turning a blind eye to LeBron in the waning seconds.  That’s what Pat Riley or Phil Jackson would’ve done, isn’t it?  It would have totally changed the outcome of the game.  They’d have put five seconds back on the clock with a little bitching, Mike!  Get in the game!

Let the man show some class.  It’s sorely lacking in the NBA.  The fact that he can only call one real play for his team (the world-famous “Uh, let LeBron do his thing” play).  Jesus, the man’s trying to win an NBA title with Drew Gooden playing significant minutes.  All he has is class… he certainly doesn’t have a chance.

While I can’t speak for my comrades, I would like to apologize for my absence.  I was unable to gain access to CWAMB for a number of weeks, thanks to the McAfee Security Suite on my computer upgrading into an unholy monolith of PC hyperprotection.  It wouldn’t even go away when I tried to uninstall it.

“I have pwned you… wait, what are you doing, Matt?” (image courtesy of menstech.com)

Thanks to the expertise of Matt, that presence is gone.  I’ll be back to harp on 38fathead, Lamar, and more soon enough.