CJ was in Boston, Matt was home and I was stuck without a TV but all three of us were able to offer up some great insight on the NBA Draft Lottery.

..

Okay, you can stop laughing. It was 100% snark. But still fun. The exchange of the night:

Jason: am I the only one that wants to see Boston NOT get a top three pick just to make Bill Simmons’ brain explode?

Matt: Here’s what will happen. The Knicks will somehow get the top 11 picks. David Stern will then turn to the others, shrug, then randomly ban Andrei Kirilenko from tonight’s game for having a permissive wife.

Jason: Amare Stoudamire has been suspended for tonight’s dinner with his family by David Stern because he stood up from his recliner during last night’s Pistons/Cavs game.

Matt: oh, Tim Duncan has just been suspended for laughing at you e-mail.

Jason: Oh now you’re just being rediculous. Tim Duncan has not laughed since he was 3 years old.

CJ: Hah, these are awesome… And yes, Bill Simmons will be getting back out on that ledge they finally got him off of a month after the Colts beat the Pats for the AFC championship.

Also, wow, what pointless hype-building!

Jason: This email thread is my only tie to the lottery. I’m stuck in a meeting right now. I’d much rather be watching a bland interview with David Stern telling me how FAAAAAAAANtastic the playoffs are - even the Eastern Conference!!!! - and the unending hype for players 30% of whom will be complete flops and another 30% of whom will not make their fans happy no matter how well they play.

Come on Stuart Scott - yell “Booyah!” once just for me.

CJ: I’m sitting in a hotel in Westborough, MA… If I step outside and look off to the east, I think I can already see the fires from the riots in Boston at them only getting the 6th pick. I have to risk life and limb going back into the city tomorrow, so wish me luck.

For the record, it was cold at the Red Sox game I went to on Sunday, but I decided to wear a Purdue sweatshirt rather than my Colts Super Bowl champions one.

Jason: Coward. You didn’t think you could handle some drunk Baaahhhhhhhhstaaahnites? heh

Matt: Coward! no, I kid. that’s the right decision. As we’ve seen in that pizza video, Pats fans are willing to take down their own… think of what they would have done to a Colts fan!

With the addition of World’s Fastest Man Devin Hester to the Bears offense, the rumors have been flying that Chicago is hard at work integrating a new trick play into their playbook, one designed to work to Hester’s unique strengths. CWAMB has learned that these are no mere rumors, and can exclusively report the existence of one such play, dubbed the “Backward Punt”.

The backward punt works as such: When the ball is hiked, Quarterback Rex Grossman will turn around and immediately punt the ball to Hester, who has lined up some 40 yards behind the line of scrimmage. Hester, now with a 30-40 yard head start, will then do what he does best, making people miss in the open field… and occasionally fumbling.

If executed properly, this is a play that could net the Bears a number of yards and even touchdowns, and Bears fans a number of ulcers… and occasionally heart attacks.

So the Bears are going to move Hester to offense next season. Am I the only person thinking this isn’t going to end up being the offensive changing, gamebreaking move that the Bears coaching staff seems to think it will be?

Maybe it’s just me but I’m having flashbacks of Dante Hall being put into the offense and then never really being heard from again - especially on the returns front.

Dante, meet Devin. Devin, meet Dante

But it could be all perception. Hall’s numbers actually haven’t seem to have suffered much since becoming a regular receiver (although never getting more than 40 catches and 423 yards in a season). BUt then again, Hall was an offensive player in college while Hester was more of a returner that didn’t fit in well at any position so was used more as a filler/jack of all trades type. What makes the Bears coaches think he will excel on offense at the Pro level when he didn’t stand out on offense at the College level?

Hester in two years at Miami: Totalled 40 yards on 5 rushes and 1 TD, 141 yards on 5 catches and 0 TDs. Doesn’t exactly make a pedigree that translates into offensive success at the Pro level.

Maybe our resident Bears fan has a take on this.

In a move that has surprised exactly no one who’s been paying any attention to NASCAR this year, Dale Earnhardt Jr. is leaving DEI, the company his father founded. This stems from an ownership fight with his stepmother, Theresa. In the words of my friend Leah who is a MUCH bigger NASCAR fan and follower than I:

What can you say? Theresa’s a bitch and it hurts DEI, not Junior

And there’s the biggest thing out of this. This move doesnt’ hurt Dale Jr. at all. He’s still the most popular name on the curcuit and will have no trouble landing a prime job on a great team. But without Jr. DEI will struggle even more. From some of the talk I heard on the radio last night there wouldn’t be much surprise if they even stopped fielding cars within the next few years and Theresa turned DEI into a purely entertaining oriented company aimed at milking Dale Earnhard Sr.’s legacy.

Another interesting tidbit I heard on the radio: one rumor going around is that Junior could end up at Richard Childress Racing (the team his father drove for before founding DEI) and that RCR might just roll out the old black #3 for Junior. Dale fans would go nuts over that - but in a good or a bad way?

A few of you have contacted me concerning my last post, a fictionalized interview with Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling, and asked why I left out any material about Curt’s mouthing off about Giants slugger The Expanding Forehead.

Check the time on when that article was posted.  It hit at 2:30 a.m., mere hours before Schill unleashed his blast on the Boston radio waves.  It’s true, I am psychic.  Who knew?  (Besides me, anyway.)

Now, as much as my gut wants to agree with Schill in this particular case, you just can’t go out and do this.  You can’t publicly defame someone, no matter how contemptible they may be, based on completely inaccurate information based on your personal conjecture.  It’s called slander.

“Remember, kids, that’s 38fathead.com!”  Just because someone dared you to make The Expanding Forehead look like “the good guy” doesn’t mean you have to do it, Curt.  Put a sock in it and leave the social commentary to us no-talent hacks once in a while.  (image courtesy of redsoxtimes.com)

One of you asked if it hurt to be this good.

The answer, of course, is yes.  But it hurts so good.

Good news, CWAMB faithful! Everyone’s favorite Red Sox ace and son of Sam Horn has taken a few minutes from blathering away on 38fathead.com to answer a few questions!

“Damn, V, I love listenin’ to me. I love listenin’ to me almost as much as I love listenin’ to me. Now shut yer hole and pass me another Krispy Kreme.” (image courtesy of Sports Talk)

CWAMB: Thanks for taking a few minutes to sit down with us, Curt.

SCHILL: No problem. You’re sure that check is good?

CWAMB: Uhhhh… anyway, you’ve had a busy couple of weeks. I see that you’ve been busy giving Red Sox Nation (and whoever else happens to be in earshot) your thoughts on Roger Clemens signing with the Yankees.

SCHILL: Yeah, well, I just think that we don’t need him. There’s no way he’s as good as Julian Tavarez. No frickin’-the-hell way.

CWAMB: Yeah. Gotcha.

(A long pause ensues, which involves several sips of an alcoholic beverage crossing the lips of the author, and lots of incredulous blinking.)

CWAMB: Moving on, last week you reacted publicly to Orioles broadcaster Gary Thorne questioning the validity of the blood in your sock during the 2004 postseason.

SCHILL: Yeah. I totally called him out on that.

CWAMB: So, it didn’t matter to you that Thorne, a nationally known broadcaster, got his story from your teammate Doug Mirabelli?

SCHILL: Who? Oh, that one dude from ESPN. Yeah, I totally bet him a million bucks that it was real. A million frickin’ bucks.

CWAMB: Or that Thorne had already publicly recanted his story, saying that he had misunderstood the joking context that Mirabelli had told him the story under?

SCHILL: Nah. It was a million bucks, dude. I coulda totally made a million bucks!

CWAMB: Or that Thorne had publicly apologized before you ever decided to shoot your mouth off?

SCHILL: I’m gonna eat your doughnut too, dude. FACE!

CWAMB: Well, I’m nauseated enough for one day. Thanks for turning your shining moment and a legitimately badassed piece of baseball history in lukewarm blog-fodder, Schill.

SCHILL: No prob. It’s all about the Schill, baby.  Oh, yeah, and 38fathead.com, too.  And the Sons of Sam Houston or whatever the hell it’s called.

CWAMB:  I need another drink.

Join us next time for hair care tips from John Kruk and Barry Melrose! Good night and God Bless!

You’ll have to excuse me for not being around this weekend to vilify the Dallas Mavericks… I had a rare three-day weekend opportunity, and quickly packed my bags and headed out to visit my good friends Butch and Nikki in scenic Sikeston, MO.

I grew up outside New York City, and watch and write about baseball a lot, but even I lose track of what it’s like to be surrounded by diehard baseball fans.  MLB is a tough sell in Indy, where we have a few diehard fans of the Cubs, Reds and White Sox, but the general populace is pretty blase about the sport.  These people (and I mean the entire area, not just Butch and Nikki, as Sikeston is a solid two hours away from St. Louis) live and bleed Cardinal red.

St. Louis-area hospitals went on full alert this afternoon when it was announced that this elbow would sideline Cardinals ace Chris Carpenter for at least three months.  At this hour, crisis control centers remain fully staffed to handle the massive influx of suicidal callers.  (image courtesy of kfns.com)

It does an old seamhead proud.  Not as proud as Chien-Ming Wang does, but proud all the same.

Yankees starter Chien-Ming Wang took a perfect game into the eighth inning against the Mariners Saturday, relieving an exhausted bullpen and finally giving hope that once their hamstrings are done snapping, the Yankees have a hope of making my predictions look good this year.  (image courtesy of espn.com)