No sooner did I write that alert readers should send for paramedics if I wasn’t heard from by the Thursday after the AFC Championship Game, than the Internet connection at my apartment went ker-blooey. Of course, I didn’t have to send any paramedics away, so all of you can screw off. I love you, too.

Anyway, the extra week of rest between the NFL Conference Championships and the Super Bowl might be great for the teams involved, but it’s hell for the fans. It means an extra week of half-stories and homers, like how the losers of “American Idol” made themselves look like jackasses in a sing-off with Colts tight end Dallas Clark.

“All right now… Dylan, you sing ‘Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream,’ then Peyton, you come in and start when he’s on the second line, and then I’ll come in third. Man, singing in a round is gonna be the best touchdown celebration EVER! Fifteen yards, here we come!” (image courtesy of usatoday.com)

My week was made today when a Chicago homer from work said that the Colts’ use of defensive lineman “Touchdown” Dan Klecko was unfair, and should suddenly be illegal for the Super Bowl. Look, whichever side of the fence you’re on about it is fine. I’ve heard that it’s “silly” to put the football in the hands of a player who isn’t used to handling it, or “inspired” to flex the strengths of your roster that way, but “unfair?”

Madness.

I simply walked away from this comment, as I imagined that calling this person so much as a “doo-doo head” would send him mewling home to his mother, much like a hangnail, paper cut, or baby that cried too loud in the vicinity of his tender ears. Not that I’m biased in this regard, as this is Indianapolis and the Colts’ homers have been out in force and are just as annoying, but that guy took the cake.

“Unfair.” It still rings in my ears, and makes me laugh and cry, all at once.

Play the game already. My head’s starting to hurt.