It was a highly-anticipated off-season for Major League Baseball. We’ve seen Barry “I Should Be Allowed To Play Left Field With Two Guys Who Look Like Larry And Moe” Bonds be insulted by a one-year, $16ish-million contract offer (EDIT: which, it turns out, got thumped down by the Commissioner’s office anyway). We’ve pretended to be entertained by seeing Roger Clemens waffle about his future surroundings again. We’ve seen the Red Sox become the latest victi-er, winners of the J.D. Drew Lottery. Most recently, we’ve seen Scott Boras make another terrible, me-first money decision which will allow the recently-revived career of Jeff Weaver wilt and die in a Seattle spotlight.

“Sixteen million?!? Look at my, um, naturally-inflated head… I spend $16 million on hats alone! Larry, throw this damn ball back to the infield for me, and hit the damn cutoff man this time!” (image courtesy of bobbler.net)

In short, there’s been no shortage of excitement (real or imagined) this winter for a sport that isn’t even being played. So after this flurry of winter activity, what’s left out there for the club who’s late to the party? (We’re looking at you, Pittsburgh.) To help any General Managers who are looking for some advice on who to bring in on a minor-league deal, here are the last of the notables:

Brian Jordan, OF/1B. We all appreciate what you tried to do for Atlanta last year as a lefty-hitting specialist and defensive replacement, Brian. Please stop now. Like 99% of the guys who make The Show, you were at your peak between the ages of 28 and 33. You’re 39 now, similar to your bat speed. Please, please stop.

Eddie Guardado, RP, and Todd Hollandsworth, OF. Two guys who finished up last year with Cincinnati. They’re a little longer in the tooth than you’d like (36 and 33, respectively), but they’re both left-handed where it counts, and have been role-players for most of their careers, so you shouldn’t have to break the bank for either. There are some lingering injury questions with Everyday Eddie, but I’d still take a flier on either/both, if the price was right.

Ron Villone, RP. Villone was the Swiss Army Knife of the Yankee bullpen, filling the roles of long-reliever, left-handed specialist, and left-handed set-up man. He started the year a little shaky, came on strong in the summer months but managed to lose Joe Torre’s confidence again with a horrific August and September. Granted, it often takes a rubber arm to survive a Torre Bullpen (I still say that Scott Proctor should sue him for abuse), but Villone only tallied about 80 innings in his 70 appearances. At 37, I don’t imagine he’s going to suddenly find more endurance. If he does, expect a cheap Ron Villone-bobblehead joke in this space next winter. Still, if I were short on lefties, as many clubs are, I’d send him a letter.

Bernie Williams, OF. I’d like to see Bernie back in pinstripes this year. He showed that he’s still got a little bit left in the tank, and can contribute. He put up better numbers in 2006 than he did in ‘05, stayed pretty consistent through the whole year, and was dangerous with men on base. Plus, he’s a switch-hitter who’s pretty effective against both lefties and righties. Negatively, he’s a complete liability in the outfield, regardless of which spot he’s playing. If he were interested in being anything but a Yankee, some National League club would’ve given him a home and a prized first-hitter-off-the-bench, Lenny Harris-style gig by now. As a fan, I hope the Yankees come around and bring him back for one more run at a ring. If not, it was a great run, Bernie. Thanks for everything.

Bernie Williams ripped a double against Toronto in what may have been his last regular-season at-bat in a Yankee uniform, October 1, 2006. (image courtesy of Newsday)

Bruce Chen, SP. In stops with Atlanta, Philadelphia, the Mets, Cincinnati, Montreal, Boston, Houston and Baltimore since 1998, Chen has managed to pile up 35 wins. As a starter. However, he’s left-handed, and some dipstick is going to bring up that Leo Mazzone said he had a “live arm” and “good stuff” back when he was with the Braves. I’m sure he’s a heck of a nice guy, and we already know how worldly he must be, but under no circumstances should your favorite club be giving this man a job. Not as a pitcher, anyway.

Tony Armas, Jr., SP. The right-handed equivalent to Chen, with a few more wins, a few less stops, and a more famous dad. Avoid him.

Joe Randa, 3B, and David Bell, 3B. Again, here are two guys who are a little older than you’d like (37 and 34), but can help your team out in the short term. Randa’s still a little bit better overall as a hitter and fielder, but Bell has more power. A team with a hot third-base prospect they don’t want to rush to the majors (or a team with no plan in place whatsoever) would be wise to make an offer to either of these guys.

Mark Redman, SP. Another left-handed pitcher, but the only 2006 All-Star on this list. Hey, his 5.71 ERA notwithstanding, anyone who won 11 games for last year’s Kansas City squad can’t be that bad. In June, Redman was 5-0 with a 3.74 ERA (which led to his selection as the All-Star rep for the hapless Royals), but fell apart afterwards as injuries took their toll. He gutted out 167 innings in ‘06, so I can think of worse options for teams needing a long reliever or spot starter. Trouble is, that’s a major adjustment for a guy who’s been a starter his entire career. He’s also looking for his seventh employer since 1999. Still, he’s won in double digits four times since then, so you know he’ll keep your team in the game. I’d give him a shot.

Ronnie Belliard, 2B. I’m kind of curious as to how Belliard is still unemployed. Granted, he didn’t do much during his stint in St. Louis last season, but he hadn’t tailed off too much production-wise before he was dealt. I tend to think he’s a better offensive option than most teams have at second right now. Of course, he’s also Baseball’s Fattest Middle Infielder, so if he turns out to be this generation’s Carlos Baerga (no thought given to conditioning equals washed out by 32), I won’t look all that smart. Really, I’m just not ready to let go of Baseball’s Fattest Middle Infielder.

ESPN.com lists Ronnie Belliard at 5′8″, and 197 pounds. C’mon, Ronnie… both feet on the scale. (image courtesy of mlb.com, obviously)

Ricky Ledee, OF. It seems like only yesterday that Ledee was the Next Great Yankee Outfielder… at least, that’s what the Bronx Hype Machine wanted us to believe. Still, since leaving the Yankees in 2000, Ledee’s made a nice career for himself as a reliable left-handed pinch-hitter/fifth outfielder for a few different clubs, last year’s brief stint with the Mets not withstanding. Bench guys always have crummy stats, so don’t let that fool you. He’s probably good in the same role for a couple more years, if you’ve got a few bucks to spend on outfield depth.

Gabe Kapler, OF. The former “five-tool, can’t-miss” Tigers farmhand, well, missed. Perhaps if he’d concentrated more on baseball than his much-publicized love of bodybuilding, that might not have happened. Can’t field, can’t hit, runs pretty good. The Boston girls think he’s “dreamy.” Pass.

There you have it. GMs dazzled by my knowledge and prowess can contact me via this website. Thank you.