The following interview did not take place and is intended for entertainment purposes only.

As CharlieWeisAteMyBaby’s resident man about town I recently bumped into Tom Brady at Club Rio and we had a chance to shoot the breeze between lap dances. Of course, I had to pay for mine and Brady’s were on the house.

Me: So what’s it like being the guy in Boston now that Nomar isn’t in town?

Tom: Lucky Bastard!!! If I hear one more unshaven fat lout yell “Motherfuka” I’m gonna puke. I love road games.

Picture Provided by Boston-Online.com

Me: I heard the men of Boston were rather ugly.

Tom: I’m just talking about the ladies. Don’t get me started on the guys or as I refer to them “The Queers”!

Me: That’s rather harsh. These are the people that have supported you, your entire career.

Tom: Nothing but Bandwagon hoppers. Let’s face it, I’ve been awesome my whole career and these “Queers” act like they’ve followed me my whole career. The season we went 8-8 and didn’t make the playoffs, they we talking about me being a flash in the pan after winning 2 Superbowls.

Me: Point taken. What’s it like being coached by the real “Mad Genius” Bill Belichick?

Tom: Oh, Yah!!! He he’s a real frickin’ genius. I do all the work and he takes all the credit. I get these guys to showup for practice, work hard, and win. All he does is make a practice schedule and dress like a hobbit. I’m thinking of retiring early just so that knuckle head will be exposed as the pretender he is.

Seperated at Birth?

Belichick photo (left) provided by signonsandiego.com/Bilbo Baggins photo (right) provided by retrojunk.com

Me: It seems you are saying that you have carried this entire franchise, and despite all the praise from the media you don’t think you get enough credit.

Tom: The entire New England Region was clouded in darkness until I came along. I’m the reason the sunshines and and the flowers bloom. I’m not saying they should start a religion or anything, but maybe they could sober up long enough to build me a statue. Maybe they should hire somebody from New York. I’ve seen what they consider beautiful and from my point a view a dog with 2 asses ain’t beautiful.

Ms. New England Runnerup

Photo Provided by bitsandpieces1.blogspot.com

Me: Thanks for the cander, this is gold.

Tom: This is all off the record right.

Me: Just like I told John Rocker, this is between you me and my editor.

Tom: It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s not like anybody up there can read.

Me: This next lap dance is on me.

Tom: How about the Latino one? I’m tired of those Pasty ass hos from the northeast.

Photo provided by profile.myspace.com

Me: You betcha, Tom. You betca.